I have been feeling a little lifeless lately. I blame Winter.
About this time each year I come to the realization that Winter is here and it's not leaving any time soon. I always get over it after a few days of sulking.
Along with my dramatic fits with the cold weather, I have been struggling with a discontent heart. Go figure! Ever since the day I said "I do" my passions have changed a great deal. Truman jokes that when he first met me back in 2008 he would have never guessed I would be wanting to drop my journey to a "career" to be a stay at home wife and mother. But as I have matured in my faith I can clearly see what I was created to do. I was created to nurture a husband and family. I truly believe that and I think it is the most wonderful thing.
However, this season of our lives doesn't bring that opportunity quite yet. At times I feel like a walking cliche'--newlywed struck with baby fever. Of course it's natural to want to move on to the next step in life, but while I'm focusing on that step I'm forgetting to enjoy this time that I have alone with my husband. It is precious time that I know I won't get back once we start a family.
So as I think about goals for this next year, I'm going to focus on enjoying what I have right now. I have to constantly remind myself that God's timing is perfect. That he put these desires in my heart for a reason, but I should be spending my time enjoying my husband and the freedom we have for the time being.
I re-started my favorite study called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. She has some great advice...
"Ultimately, contentment is more a shift in attitude than a change in circumstances."
"Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that he is good and therefore it is good."
I knew that the only way to get myself out of this rut was to give thanks. Man, it wasn't easy. And my list started small. But I'll never stop thanking the One who gives.
259. Rest
260. Spontaneous dates
261. Time to notice his gifts
263. Time to devote to him
Cheers, Jord.