The Cross

(A picture I took when I was taking Tru to work...he was driving, of course!)

It is my only hope that these next few days (and the rest of my life) I can truly see my sin and need for Jesus. That I would understand that MY sin nailed him to the cross. MY sin stood there shouting "crucify!" Because when I can grieve my sin, I can fully rejoice in the victory that has been won, in the mercy that has been given to me.

Music has always been very important to me. And what I love about worship music is that it puts into words what I can't. I have been listening to these songs over and over lately and I still find myself sobbing at the miraculous gift I have been given. Forgiveness. I am washed clean. Though I continue to fail and desire anything other than Christ, I am always seen clean in God's eyes. It leaves me speechless. So because I don't feel I can do the feelings justice, I'll just share a few quotes from the songs in my playlist. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do during this time of preparation, mourning, and celebrating. Christ is risen.

"There was no other good enough to pay the price of sin, He only could unlock the gate to Heaven and let us in."
-There is a Green Hill Far Away, The Lower Lights

"As a deer pants for water so my soul thirsts for you...so when I'm drowning out at sea and all your breakers and your waves crash down on me I'll recall your safety scheme. You're the one who made the waves and your Son went out to suffer in my place and to show me that I'm safe."
-Satisfied in You, The Sing Team

"So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you."
-If I Stand, Rich Mullins

"How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure,
that He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure. Behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his schoulders. Ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that left him there until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life. I know that it is finished."
-How Deep the Father's Love for Us

Listen here: {The Cross}

I hope these words move you as much as they have moved me,
J.

{Spring Lovin'}

My little boho babe :)

I'm pretty sure Penny woke up yesterday a new baby. 

She is so. much. fun. Well, she's always been fun. But she just started randomly sitting by herself and laughing all the time and checking herself out in the mirror (hilarious). I feel like I'm hanging out with her instead of just taking care of her and it's AWESOME.

I'm also really stoked for the warm weather.

So I made a playlist. Shocker.

It rocks.
It has all of the spring essentials. Some old, some REALLY old, and some new stuff I'm digging. Hope you enjoy!

Have a listen here: {Spring Vibes}

{Good Weeks}

These last two weeks have been an absolute blast. We were able to see all of our family and connect with a few friends along the way. I love when people come to stay with us and it felt good to have a house full of loved ones again. I needed that.

Kali and Jamison came to stay with us for the weekend so we could do some wedding planning. We love spending time with them and it was fun to show them where we go to church.

 Mom came up Monday night to babysit while we had a class (God bless her).

 My grandma had surgery here in town so the family was up to stay for a few nights while she recovered.

 She loves him.

 Getting lots of attention from Grandma Jeanette and Aunt Sara!

 We took her shopping and the girl was such a trooper.

 Our last adventure included a trip back to Central City. We spent A LOT of time in front of Grandpa and Grandma Faeh's new fireplace. It was a perfect setting for that nasty snow storm.

 Jewel and I took Penny to Grand Island to check out some of the antique stores. We decided to pop into Prairie Winds and it brought back memories of when I used to take sketching classes there as a little girl. I'm so thankful my parents encouraged my creativity and I plan to do the same for Penny.

 We also got to hang out with Great Grandma and Grandpa Faeh.

 Penny loved all of the big windows throughout the house. She and grandpa watched the snow fall. Last time we were home she was going through a phase where no one could hold her but me. This time she loved playing with grandma and grandpa and it was so sweet to watch.

 She was a very happy girl the first part of the trip until...

 Those darn teeth started bugging her. She hasn't really been teething yet so I wondered if I would know when it was that time...there was no question about it. Poor girl just cried and cried and nothing could make her happy. She refused to sleep unless it was in my arms and she wasn't content for more than 5 minutes. We spent a ton of time in the rocking chair. It got a little frustrating at times but I had such a beautiful view behind me and I really loved the extra snuggle time.

 I could take a million sleeping Penny pictures...

 We were able to have a little play date with friends, but because of Penny's teeth she didn't enjoy most of it (sorry girls, hopefully next time!). Little Brynn was being so sweet to her, but she just wasn't sure what to think.

 However, she seemed to cheer up when Carl was within arm's reach :) This girl is feisty! Not looking forward to the teenage years if that's the case... Poor Carl must grow tired of being such a stud.

 I feel so spoiled to have spent so much time with loved ones. I'm so grateful for the time we're spending here with old and new friends, but it gets a little lonely being so far away from everyone. Caring for a tired and teething baby was hard for me. I know that the older she gets the more challenges I face, but this made me really doubt myself as a parent. It was 1am and she was still awake crying because she was tired and hungry but refusing the bottle. I was exhausted and my arms were tired from holding her most of the night. I stood there rocking back and forth doubting my ability. Was I helping her the best I could? Was my own desire for comfort getting in the way of being completely compassionate? Am I a bad mother for not being natural and giving her tylenol every 6 hours? Or even more, am I a bad mother for being a little mad at her for not cooperating? And then, of course, those doubts lead to even more unrelated doubts until I've snowballed into this big, whole mess of fear. She fell asleep and stayed asleep as I put her down. I crawled into bed feeling defeated. Truman wrapped his arm around me, pulled me close, and whispered "you're such a good mama."

It was all I needed. I'll remember that forever.

{Penny Emerson : 5 Months}

This month has brought about the most change since Penny's birth (I'm noticing a pattern here...). Each little milestone continues to fill Truman and I with such joy and each little trial only molds me into a better parent and helps me get to know my daughter better.

Development:

-One of my favorite moments this month was when I was downstairs doing laundry. I came around the corner to find Penny on her tummy for the first time! She was pleased with herself and I was in disbelief that she willingly chose to be on her tummy :)

-She can finally sit in the bumbo for a while without spitting up. The slightest push of her tummy makes her lose her lunch so we haven't been able to use this very much.

-Lovin' the toes.

Current Favorites:

 -Loves to be carried around. Everything is so fascinating to her right now so it's fun to let her be a part of my every day chores.

 -Truman likes to play his guitar for her. It's so cute. She doesn't take her eyes off of him.

 Trials:

-I knew the day would come where she no longer slept through the night, but I wasn't ready for it. She kept rolling onto her tummy while swaddled in her crib and despite my best efforts I couldn't keep her from doing it. So we had to quit the swaddle cold turkey and bite the bullet. It wasn't fun. I love that she is becoming more mobile but it makes things difficult for nap time.

-I'm learning to have patience in this trial. I don't do well on little sleep and I was so spoiled for the past few months to have her sleeping 10+ hours in a row. Eating as also been a trial and lately it seems like she just isn't getting full enough with milk. I think her lack of sleep is a result of not being full enough. So hopefully she can last one more month until we start cereal.

-Even though this new schedule can be a little frustrating, we have created so many special moments because of it. We loosely follow a sleep-training schedule, but lately I have been rocking her to sleep at night and I don't regret it one bit. I missed snuggling with her and when I wrap her up in my arms she falls asleep almost immediately. Some of my favorite memories will be of her silently studying my face, touching my cheek and nose, and mouth with her hands. At times it feels like that's how she's showing me her love...and then she grabs a hold of my lip and digs her finger nails into it :)

 Little Things:

 -She gets to snuggle in bed with us on Saturday mornings. This is one of my favorite pictures :)

-We get such a kick out of her dramatic arms. We caught her with her arm over her head a few times like Truman does.

-I love to experience how much Truman loves her. He begs me to be the one who moves her from the swing to the crib.

-She had her first big-girl ride in the stroller! On Valentine's Day we took treats to the neighbors and she got to sit up in the stroller as opposed to sitting in the car seat.

-I took her swimming at the YMCA with my sister-in-law and nephew. I was really worried she would hate it but she had a blast! She loved watching all the kids play and splash around and she took a super long nap afterwards so we will be doing this often :)

-I feel like this month I'm really enjoying the slow-moving moments. I catch myself thinking that it doesn't really matter right now because she doesn't know what's going on, but these are important bonding times and I will cherish the memories I have of holding her in my arms a little longer than "they say" to and laying under the play gym with her instead of tending to that growing laundry pile.

And in case there weren't already enough photos...

We've been listening to Page CXVI's lullaby album alot lately. If you don't have it you should. Find it here.