Penny's Birth Story Pt. 2

I'm not one of those women who look fabulous while giving birth, but these pictures are really special to me. Thanks, Kal, for  sticking with me the whole time. 

When the nurse said I was 8cm, I started to cry uncontrollably--partly in joy and partly in fear that I was too late for the epidural. I could barely talk, but I managed to ask "does this mean I can't get the pain meds?" Everyone laughed but I was dead serious. I wanted relief. NOW. The nurse said she would check. As they were getting me hooked up to the monitors the contractions were coming faster and stronger. Truman was rubbing my feet with eucalyptus oil and my mom was holding my shoulders tightly. I finished breathing through a contraction and the nurse said "are you sure you even want the epidural? You're doing so well with your contractions." I contemplated forgoing the meds for about a second (mainly because I was terrified of the needle) but I decided I still wanted them. 

 The anesthesiologist was really sweet and soft spoken. I told him how terrified I was of the epidural and that he was going to have to talk me through each step. I get really chatty when I'm nervous so I asked a million questions. He was patient with me and answered every one. Most of them being "will this hurt?" Thankfully I was already in so much pain the epidural didn't hurt at all. The only painful thing was having to sit still through the contractions. I'm surprised I didn't break Truman's hand in the process. My legs slowly started to get numb and the contractions were becoming bearable. I could still feel when I was having a contraction, but it was pressure instead of pain. It just felt good to be able to get a break from the constant pain. (Hints the smile in the picture below).

 After I got settled into bed I begged for music to calm my nerves. I had made a labor playlist, but wasn't sure if I would even care about music amidst all the chaos. The music and massage oil ended up being my best friends. They couldn't get the ipod hookup to work in the room so we had to blast it from my laptop. When it started, I immediately felt my body relax. The entire mood of the room changed. Things were familiar-- it didn't feel so cold and stressful. My nausea even started to subside. The worship songs especially brought me back to the miracle that was occurring. I was no longer focused on the pain and intensity of labor. I could soak in the last few moments of pregnancy.

"September Grass" by James Taylor came on and I remember closing my eyes and faintly sighing "ahhh, James." The epidural had slowed the contractions a bit and allowed me to slightly relax (as much as one can relax during labor, anyway). Whenever I feel anxious, I use heat to calm down so I plugged in my heating pad and hugged it tightly. The nurse was skeptical of that and eventually took it away because it was too hot...woops. My good friend, Alyssa, and sister-in-law came to the hospital and it was a wonderful surprise. It was a big help to have loved ones hanging out in the delivery room. It kept my mind off of the fear of delivery and made the time go by faster.

 We were sitting silently when this loud buzz came from the monitor. It was one of those sounds that you know means something is wrong. The nurse came back and noted that Penny's heart rate was dropping significantly during my contractions. She didn't seem too alarmed and said as long as the heart rate was coming back up she was okay. The rest of labor was kind of a blur. I was at 9cm at about 1:00am and the on-call midwife showed up. P's heart rate was dropping lower and lower and I felt a sense of urgency come over the nurses. The buzzer continued to ring over and over like a broken record and my stomach started to turn. At 2:00am I was at 10cm and they put an oxygen mask on me (not sure why). The midwife decided to call in my actual OB due to the concerning heart rate. They did a good job of hiding their urgency, because I wasn't aware of it at the time. My mom had to explain to me later how worried they were. 

As I watched the numbers drop on the heart rate chart I started to get tears in my eyes. I asked for my bible so I could focus on prayer, but the second I cracked it open my OB showed up and was ready to get things going. Nurses started to filter in and prepare for delivery. A few were from NICU in case there was an emergency. My epidural was wearing off on my right side so my mom had to continue rubbing it through contractions again. Once it was time to push there were about 15 people in the room...I was oblivious. They had me try a few pushes and I couldn't feel a thing--it was wonderful! Because of Pen's heart rate, they wanted to get her out quickly by using the vacuum. The nurse, midwife, my OB, Truman, and my mom were all surrounding me as the pushing began. My adrenaline kicked in and the nurse was counting through each push. With all of the encouragement, I felt so strong. They attached the vacuum and started to pull her out. It popped off loudly and I freaked out because if that happens 3 times you have to resort to a C-section. My OB re-attached it, I gave one more big push and my world stopped.

 I had my eyes focused on my stomach and I watched P slowly leave my body. It was the strangest feeling I have ever experienced. This giant bump just disappeared. It felt like my stomach was getting sucked out with the rest of it. I got scared, grabbed the sides of the bed and whimpered "oh my gosh." Out came this purple, beautiful, bundle of Truman and I. She cried out and I cried out. What a relief it was to hear her tiny little voice. Truman grabbed me and I could barely mutter "she's so beautiful". 

 Truman cut the cord and they let me hold her for a few seconds before they had to check to make sure everything was okay. The OB said the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice which explained the low heart rate. Truman went with her while they started my repair.

 She held his finger the entire time. It was a special moment for him :) I am so, so thankful I had the epidural. I ended up with fourth degree tearing so it was a real blessing that I couldn't feel a thing. Make no mistake, labor and delivery was still incredibly difficult, but I'm glad I was able to enjoy the experience.

Everyone left so we could enjoy the first minutes alone with our baby girl. It took a while to digest what had just happened. After watching me in so much pain, Truman decided I could choose the middle name. I was kind of thinking he would :) So I chose Emerson. We were in disbelief that she was finally here. That we made her. That she was healthy.

 She hugged my chest as I breastfed her for the first time and we sat quietly listening to the remains of my playlist. Content and filled with joy. Thankful that the day we were dreaming of for 9 months was finally here. I felt so tough--amazed and shocked that I actually did it and survived. I turned to Tru and said "I could totally do this 4 or 5 more times" only half joking. His eyes got wide as he tried to decide if I was being serious :) He said "we'll talk about that later..."

 I am so madly in love with our little family. These past four weeks have been harder than I could have imagined, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love being a mom and Penny is already teaching me so much. I rock her at night with tears in my eyes as my understanding of Christ's love grows. He died for her. This tiny little life. I feel so lucky to get to teach her about Jesus and watch her learn about His love.

I'll hold onto these moments forever...and probably have to re-read them when she's 16 and complaining about her curfew :) Our lives have been changed for the better and I can't wait to watch this little one grow.

Praising Jesus for His many blessings,

J.