Be Still, My Soul

The other night was one of those perfect nights.

The sun seemed to linger a little longer, like it was refusing to set. The weather was the perfect temperature where we could open the windows and let the fresh air in. The wind was bringing in scents of lilac and freshly cut grass. We came home from our vacation to our front tree fully in bloom. The green seems much brighter since the winter just wouldn't leave us alone. And the sound of Truman mowing the lawn was the cherry on top. I don't know why, but listening to someone mowing the lawn is incredibly calming to me. Sounds of summer, I suppose.

I wanted to capture every moment that night. 

I didn't want the perfect evening to end. I wanted that fresh, slightly breezy air to flow in forever. I captured a few photos for memory.

Full, bright green tree.

 Leaves consuming our front window.

 Tiny baby feet discovering a chalkboard.

 Fresh air blowing over the record player.

 Golden sun shining through lace curtains.

 Wind blowing through lace curtains.

 The sound of the lawn mower as I read.

 Gorgeous and intoxicating smell of our backyard lilac bush.

Lately we have been staring down the deep, dark tunnel of the future. We been having to discuss (over and over again...) the big, scary grown up questions of finding a new home, growing our family, budgeting differently, etc. There are times where I am completely trusting God, knowing that His plan is perfect and He will provide. There are also times when I still try to hold MY plans with a tight grip and attempt as much control as I can. And not to mention as Penny gets older and feistier I start to worry about if I'll be a good enough parent. It's not a matter of taking care of her and loving on her, I do that just fine, but I'm talking about being a good example of Jesus' love. Teaching her about his grace and living our lives as a family dependent totally on scripture. Discipline included. It's scary as hell. I don't want to screw it up. I know I will, but I'd like to do as little damage as possible. Only by the grace of God, I know, but I just feel so under-prepared sometimes. I'll-equipped, not good enough, not spiritually mature enough. I want that baby girl to love Jesus more than anything. And I want her to see that I love Jesus more than anything (and sometimes I have to honestly, humbly ask myself if that's true).

All of these heavy thoughts can fill my mind and almost suffocate me so I'm trying to make a very intentional effort to delight in the little things. I'm thankful for big questions like these that are approaching us. I'm SO thankful to be in this season of life. It's hard, it's rewarding. I'm also thankful for pretty shadows, perfume-scented trees, and bright green fluttering leaves. Sometimes those are the things that keep me going...

Signed,
A frightened, but oh-so-thankful Jord.